Sligo's Complaints to God
For awhile now I have been compiling a list for God of complaints, grievances, dissatisfaction, and criticism – along with some helpful suggestions mind you, it is not all just me complaining. I like to offer constructive criticism. I feel that this list will be greatly helpful in improving overall satisfaction for every one in the universe so I post it here. This is a continuous and time consuming process, sometimes it is just hard to believe how many things there are wrong with this universe, but I keep at it.
#1: Where is the complaint box?
This was my first stumbling block. It all started with a very simple complaint (my Uranal milk had gone bad and the store I had purchased it at wouldn't take it back -- "milk will do that!" they said. "Poppycock !!!" I said.) Anyway, I wrote my complaint about the keeping properties of milk on a piece of paper and went looking for god's complaint box -- I'm still looking
My first stop was the Uranal Monks. They had no idea were such a box might exist, but admitted it would be a true miracle if I found it. Well, in a huff I was out of Uranus on my way to Neptune. Surely our lost brethren would know the answer to such a simple question.
They did not. As for the other events that transpired, well let's just say, what happens on Neptune stays on Neptune.
Back in a huff again, I was off. I went to Pluto, then Saturn, then Jupiter and even Mars, but still no complaint box, nor anyone who had ever heard of it. "How does God ever expect to improve the Universe without a complaint box?" I asked myself. "Why it is no wonder it's in the mess it is in."
And then in the most unlikely place, a planet whose greatest accomplishment is the spork, I had a suggestion.
"Some people talk to god through prayer," the old preist, who I had been unburdening myself to, said.
Removing the probe from him (I was here on business after all) I asked him to explain Prayer....
#2: Prayer
After several days of, "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?" I discovered what is wrong with prayer. There must be some type of audible, visual or even olfactory confirmation that god, or a representative, is receiving your prayer. I understand that god must be a busy person, but how rude is it not to even give a grunt or a gesture that you are listening? There is always time for courtisey.
